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Being in a relationship with a man who isn’t emotionally available for you can be disheartening and frustrating and could even take a toll on your emotions.
Soon, you feel that no matter how much you try, you’re really not connecting on an emotional level. Often, you’re left feeling alone, isolated, and unhappy.
But what happens when you muster up the courage to ignore your partner? When you ignore an emotionally unavailable man, you can gain both positive and negative outcomes.
So, before you decide to try this tactic, let’s understand how to deal with an emotionally unavailable man.
What makes a man emotionally unavailable?
“Why can’t I get through him? Why is he like this?”
What could be the reasons a man could become so distant and unavailable for his partner?
There could be many factors a person becomes emotionally unavailable.
It could be from a traumatic childhood, poor parenting styles, depression, previous relationship trauma, and anxiety.
Some people choose to shut down to prevent getting hurt or being too vulnerable. Emotional unavailability, in some cases, can be resolved, but in others can be permanent.
Discovering that your man is emotionally unavailable could be tough, but it’s not a lost cost.
5 signs an emotionally unavailable man is in love with you
“Does he really love me?”
Have you ever felt you’re the only one putting up all the effort? You might even start to question your relationship and, in the process, ponder if your partner really loves you or not.
Here are 5 signs a broken man loves you.
- He listens to you
- He uses the term “we” and not “I”
- He introduces you to his family
- He gets physically close to you
- He tries his best to change
Before you consider ignoring an emotionally unavailable man, it’s best to know the other ways he’s trying to prove and show you that he loves you. Read more about the signs that an emotionally unavailable man is in love with you.
15 things that happen when you ignore an emotionally unavailable man
It just happens. You just wake up one day and realize you’re tired of connecting with your partner.
“Will it always be like this?”
Then you realize that maybe when you ignore an emotionally unavailable man, he’ll realize what you mean to him and what he’s missing.
However, how familiar are you with the effects, good and bad, of walking away from an emotionally unavailable man?
Here are 15 things that happen when you decide to take action and learn how to ignore a guy who hurt you emotionally.
1. He’ll try not to care about it
Learning how to walk away from an emotionally unavailable man can be hard for you, but also for him. However, the difference is that he will try to show you it doesn’t bother him – at all.
He’s been prepared for this by being emotionally distant because he thinks this will happen, and once it does. He’ll remain distant and unbothered, at least outside.
Related Reading: 20 Signs He Doesn’t Care About You or the Relationship
2. He might choose not to show his “love”
We’re all hoping that when you ignore an emotionally unavailable man, he’d start making efforts and show his love to you to make up. But what if, instead of opening up, he chose to distance himself even more.
Again, we’ll go back to the cause of why he is emotionally unavailable and how feeling avoided by you may cause him not to show his love or make any efforts.
3. It could cause him to remember past hurts
One of the possible reasons why a man can turn emotionally unavailable is because of past hurts. When you ignore an emotionally unavailable man, there is a possibility that this could trigger an old trauma or hurt.
Instead of him opening up or realizing, he might feel you’re doing the same thing again. This is why it’s also important to understand what happened or what triggered him to be like this.
Related Reading: 15 Ways to Feel Better When Someone Hurts You
4. He could start ignoring you too
You might wonder, does no contact work on an emotionally unavailable man? This depends. The reaction will depend on your partner.
Some men can realize, while others choose to give you the same treatment you’re giving them. Others might not get the message you are trying to impart and would also treat you cold as a way to get back to you.
5. He could get angry
While some men might ignore you, others could lash out at you. These emotionally unavailable men also have deep resentment and aggression, and avoiding them could trigger this reaction.
It’s funny that giving him the same treatment he has been giving you could trigger his anger, but this is how it works for some men. They get angry thinking you’ve fooled and hurt him, not knowing what they did.
6. He could initiate reconciliation
If there is no contact with an emotionally unavailable man, this could make him realize that it hurts to be emotionally ignored. Once he has enough time to think about this situation, he could go to you and ask you to fix things.
Do emotionally unavailable men change?
They could, and sometimes, when you ignore an emotionally unavailable man, that’s when they realize their mistakes.
7. He’ll start to wonder if your love is still the same
When you are with an emotionally unavailable man, there will be times where you think he doesn’t really love you. As they say, love is effort.
So, when you ignore an emotionally unavailable man, this could also make him realize that you’ve changed. He may think that your love has changed, and he could then see where you’re coming from.
Related Reading: 15 Signs of True Love in a Long-Distance Relationship
8. He starts to realize that he’s missing you
“Does an emotionally unavailable man miss you?”
Definitely! However, since he’s been emotionally unavailable, he won’t try to make efforts to show how much he misses you.
Even if you’re ignoring him and he’s hurting, an emotionally unavailable man will continue to be “unavailable” because it’s his way of protecting himself. Most likely, just like before, you would be clueless about what he feels.
9. He starts to realize that he loves you so much
When you learn you can ignore him, then if you leave an emotionally unavailable man, this could lead him to realize that he was the one pushing you away.
This can make him want to finally open up to you and be the partner that he should have been many months or years ago.
What if an emotionally unavailable man comes back? Would you give him another chance?
10. You’ll realize that you can live without him
Sometimes, we want to learn how to ignore an emotionally unavailable man so they can realize our worth. However, in the process, we are the ones who realize that we can, in fact, live without them.
This is where you slowly see that your relationship isn’t going anywhere and you’re incompatible. You might soon realize it’s better to end your relationship for good.
11. He could give up without fighting
Choosing to ignore your emotionally unavailable partner is indeed a risk. You may think it’s the best course of action for him to realize that emotional connection is important, but what if he just gives up?
There are cases where an emotionally unavailable person just gives up. He won’t ask for an explanation or try to figure things out.
Related Reading: How to Discuss Relationship Problems Without Fighting: 15 Tips
12. He could try and comprise
On the other hand, there are people who are emotionally unavailable who actually realize what happens and would try to work things out and compromise.
It’ll be hard for them to connect slowly, but since they know it’s the best decision to keep you and your relationship working, they will try their best.
13. He might want to seek help
This is also the start of him opening up about how his issues could be resolved. He may want to explore the option of relationship counseling.
However, you need to set proper expectations here. It wouldn’t be easy breaking off the shield he had built over the years but don’t forget to appreciate his efforts.
14. You’ll both start to move on
When you ignore an emotionally unavailable man, there’s a chance that you’ll miss each other, but since you’re trying to both ignore each other, then, as time passes by, you learn that you are already moving on from each other.
Choosing to ignore your emotionally unavailable partner is indeed a risk. Think about your unique situation and the things that could happen.
15. You’ll realize that you deserve more
When you ignore an emotionally unavailable man, you also have to know there is a greater chance that you’ll realize that you deserve more. That soon, after weeks of ignoring each other, waiting for the other to make the first move to reconcile, you’ll realize that you’ve had enough.
Related Reading: 20 Signs He Doesn’t Deserve You
How do you treat an emotionally unavailable man?
Where do you stand when you’re with an emotionally unavailable man? How to deal with an emotionally unavailable man?
These are just questions you have asked yourself many times before, but what can you do?
Remember that when treating an emotionally unavailable, you’d likely find it a challenging and complex process.
However, there are a few general tips that you can try:
1. Set clear and healthy boundaries
Don’t be all out on him. It’s still important to communicate your needs and learn how to set boundaries in your relationship. Make sure that you’re still comfortable with the rules and your setup.
Voice out what you want and what you expect from your relationship. Then if your partner refuses to hear you out, you may need to reevaluate the relationship.
2. Be patient
There could be a deeper cause for his emotional unavailability, so be patient with him. A lot of times, he might need space and time to do so. Give him the space when he needs it.
3. Don’t force change
You may think you can demand the change you want, but it doesn’t work like that. You’d end up pushing him away.
Recognize that he has his own emotional baggage, issues, and trauma; as a partner, you need to help him overcome it.
Related Reading: 15 Signs You Are Forcing Yourself to Love Someone
4. Focus on yourself too
Be supportive and understanding, and be patient, but all of these can also take a toll on you. So, don’t forget to focus on yourself as well.
Have you ever felt that you’re torn and lost? Do you want to focus on self-love and self-worth but don’t know how to start?
Erica Pang, an Art Therapist specializing in shares how you can use art to reaffirm your self-worth.
5. Seek professional help
If all else fails, it’s time to convince your partner that seeking the help of a therapist or counselor can help. These professionals can provide you with additional guidance and support.
Related Reading: Benefits of Therapy: 10 Reasons Why Seeing a Therapist Can Improve Your Life
More about things that happen when you ignore emotionally unavailable men
Here are some of the most searched and asked questions about emotionally unavailable men and how to deal with them.
What causes emotional unavailability?
Before you choose to give up or ignore an emotionally unavailable partner, you may need to check the root cause of your partner’s condition.
A variety of factors can cause emotional unavailability, including:
- Mental health issues
- Past relationship trauma
- Attachment style
- Societal or cultural influences
- Childhood trauma
It’s important to know that emotional unavailability can be complex and may have been caused by multiple underlying causes.
Can an emotionally unavailable man fall in love?
Absolutely! They are unable to express their emotions, but they still feel. This is why we need to know the importance of falling in love and being emotionally available are two different things.
However, even if an emotionally unavailable man falls in love, he could still feel the past trauma and struggle to open up emotionally.
If you have been in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man, and you realize that you’re not going anywhere, you need to put yourself first.
When you ignore an emotionally unavailable man, many things could happen, but it will be more beneficial for you than for him.
This is because you’re finally learning how to put yourself first. Then, if your man realizes and works hard for your relationship to work, then that’s also a win-win situation.
However, if you see that he’s not really going to change, then it’s time to know that you deserve so much more than this.
When you ignore a man who's emotionally unavailable, it will start bothering him to such a degree that he'll start feeling depressed and anxious. He will try to figure things out on his own and won't turn to friends or family for advice.What happens when you ignore an emotionally unavailable man? ›
When you ignore a man who's emotionally unavailable, it will start bothering him to such a degree that he'll start feeling depressed and anxious. He will try to figure things out on his own and won't turn to friends or family for advice.What are emotionally unavailable men afraid of? ›
The main trait that both emotionally unavailable men and women share is their fear of being controlled, especially in a relationship. For men in particular, a consuming fear is “losing” themselves in a relationship.What does an emotionally unavailable man want? ›
Emotionally unavailable men are seeking for perfection for one reason only: they're deeply insecure. Since they're insecure and don't want to show any sign of a vulnerable exposure, they will comfort themselves with the thought that 'no one is good enough' and they don't need to open up to anyone.Does no contact work on emotionally unavailable man? ›
Often, no contact is the best way to help an emotionally unavailable man or woman feel more in touch with their own emotions and feelings. During this alone time, you can get the help you need from therapists, psychologists or by talking to your close friends and family.Do emotionally unavailable people care about you? ›
In other words, an emotionally unavailable person may not be able to relate to you, put themselves in your shoes, or consider your feelings when making a decision. This doesn't necessarily mean they don't care about your feelings, but they might not have the emotional capability to identify and honor your needs.How do I stay in his mind? ›
Be a good listener. Wait to hear all he has to say and don't interrupt. Use the opportunity to talk as an opportunity for him to tell you more about himself, not as one for your own stories. For yourself, don't reveal too much too soon, as a sense of mystery will definitely leave you on his mind, wanting to know more.How do you control an emotionally unavailable man? ›
Providing he remains open to talking, ask about rejection or hurt in past relationships. Also, explore personal insecurities, self-esteem, or mental health issues that cause him to shut down and detach. Give little prompts and allow your partner to do most of the talking.How do emotionally unavailable men act? ›
An emotionally unavailable man has a difficult time knowing how to engage in the real-stuff conversations. In some instances, he may have some capacity to listen, but is emotionally shutting that part of himself down so that you don't get too close. If that's the case, you will likely feel shut down and alone.When a man shuts down emotionally? ›
For some people, shutting down emotionally is a response to feeling overstimulated. It doesn't have anything to do with you or how they feel about you. If your husband or partner shuts down when you cry, for example, it may be because they don't know the best way to handle that display of emotions.
Emotional unavailability doesn't have to be permanent. It's a complex issue, though, and some underlying causes may be harder to overcome than others. Change only happens when someone is willing to work at creating it, so you can't make an emotionally unavailable partner more available.What attracts emotionally unavailable people? ›
"Another reason someone might attract someone emotionally unavailable is because they have low self-esteem. For whatever reason (body image issues, experience of being bullied, job instability, addiction, or mental health issues), they may not believe they are worthy of love and commitment," she says.How does an unemotional man show love? ›
He likes taking you to events
One of the clear signs an emotionally unavailable man is in love with you is when he begins to invite you to various events. You will meet his friends, acquaintances, colleagues, and the likes at these events. He will introduce you to them because you're not an ordinary person in his life.
- Deliberately leave things behind. ...
- Give him some personal space. ...
- Make him wait before replying his texts. ...
- Take things slow. ...
- Wear a unique perfume. ...
- Add some mystery to your experiences together. ...
- Have adventures with him (and your friends)
- Less said, more time. ...
- Wait and see what happens next. ...
- Move away from the blame game. ...
- Try not to fall into other people's states of mind. ...
- Deal with your biggest problem first. ...
- When you're angry, it wrinkles the mind. ...
- Don't try to figure others out. ...
- Your thoughts are not facts.
Focus on your own feelings
Both Neblett and Gatling agree that if you address someone's emotional unavailability, express how it's affecting you and lead with "I" statements. It's also important to have clear examples of why you think they're emotionally unavailable so that they don't feel ambushed, Neblett emphasizes.
- Choose the right time, and approach with care. Ask if you can talk ahead of time. ...
- Speak honestly and openly. Be direct about what you need from the other person.
- Listen. Give them a chance to respond. ...
- Give them space. Don't issue an ultimatum to open up.
When you ignore a guy, how does he feel? He may feel hurt and heartbroken if you continue with this act for far too long because it will send across a message that it's between you two. He will think you are done with him and would want nothing to do with you.How does a guy act when he's emotionally unavailable? ›
An emotionally unavailable man has a difficult time knowing how to engage in the real-stuff conversations. In some instances, he may have some capacity to listen, but is emotionally shutting that part of himself down so that you don't get too close. If that's the case, you will likely feel shut down and alone.How do you stop an emotionally unavailable man? ›
Providing he remains open to talking, ask about rejection or hurt in past relationships. Also, explore personal insecurities, self-esteem, or mental health issues that cause him to shut down and detach. Give little prompts and allow your partner to do most of the talking.